I greet you here at the doorway to my inner winter.
In the Celtic wheel of the year, we are not quite at this doorway - it will happen just before Samhain at the end of October. In my inner cycle, however, I have just stomped across the plains of inner autumn and I am sharing here what I have learnt about minding myself as I move through seasons.
Perhaps you are already menstrual cycle tracking. I notice on my wild & free women’s retreats that many of the young women in their 20’s are aware of this wisdom. Also women who have been through fertility journeys or spent time trying to get pregnant. They are familiar with the cycle, usually more from a hormonal perspective. Older women, those who are post-menopause have usually never heard of cycle tracking and they often express a sadness and grief for not having awareness of inner seasons and are grateful to learn about it now and apply the wisdom to their current life phase.
I learnt about menstrual cycle awareness from a great book called Wild Power and by observing my own cycle and writing down what I was noticing each day. I started this in my early thirties. Before that my period was something that just happened and little attention or care was given to it or the days that ran before and after it.
Menstrual Cycle Awareness
As menstruating women we have 4 internal seasons - with our cycle beginning on the first day of our bleed, called day 1 - inner winter (approximately day 27 to day 5) and it’s the start of a new cycle.
On around day 6, we enter inner spring a time of growth which lasts until around day 11, where we are brought to inner summer the peak of our cycle when oestrogen and energy is high (approximately day 12 to day 19).
After inner summer, comes our pre-menstrual time of inner autumn (approximately day 20 to day 26), which then leads us to inner winter and the start of a new cycle.
Tracking my inner seasons has given me a greater understanding and appreciation of the nuances of being a woman and a way of treating myself with more kindness and compassion.
Just like nature
Inner autumn, just like the autumnal season in the outer world, is a time to turn inward, cosy up, keep ourselves warm with soft textures and warm foods.
This is what our wombs, just like nature, needs for at this part of the cycle. Inward tending to, slowing down and keeping warm. This is something that women who know about Traditional Chinese Medicine will share in our retreat circles, keep your womb warm.
It’s about 26 degrees here at the moment where I live in Portugal and it’s warm at night but all inner autumn long I’ve been rubbing coconut oil with lavender on my belly and putting a warm sack over my womb for half an hour before I go to sleep. This is what my womb, my body is asking for - for her inner autumn - slowness, tending to, kindness, warmth and attention.
Inner critic
So yes, the lovely side of inner autumn once we become aware of it and match the energy. It feels blissful, until the inner discomfort arises.
I was due to record my podcast last week to keep my rhythm of every second Monday but I was in inner autumn and I had just finished hosting my wild & free women’s retreat. I sensed it was a time to go slow and rest so I gave myself a grace period and said I’ll record the episode slowly and shift my deadline. Lovely, I’m taking care of myself. My body and womb are important. I am learning this and embodying it more and more every year.
Pause. Cup of tea. Lovely.
Well done me. I’m learning so much that I’m not a machine and I am delayering the patriarchal ideas that my productivity is the main value of my success. I felt aligned with many of the women I follow like Nicola Jane Hobbs who has a big following and recently signed off indefinitely for her post-partum, and slow-living memes saved on my phone, like the woman lying on the earth saying “ no i can’t come I’m busy receiving magical messages from the moon”. Yes this is what I value, my body exhales a sigh of relief.
My mind, see you can’t keep it up. This is too hard. I don’t have a proper pod studio to record. I need a co-host so I’m not doing it all alone. I do so much of my work alone. It’s all too much. Retreats are my main thing, I can’t be doing everything. Whose even listening. Checking numbers, ok, over 200 nice - oh my god that’s probably so low compared to other podcasts, what am I doing. I should be putting this time into other things.
It’s actually mad to write all these things that weren’t said internally at once (because then that would be abusive), so instead it’s discreetly drip-fed every time I thought about my podcast and it started to feel heavy.
This inner critic put me into freeze and my podcast was challenging this week. I was reminded about menstrual cycle awareness, the book Wild Power and the invitation of this season.
Hold the tension of opposites, the book advises. I could feel the tension, my body is asking me to go slow and I have great dreams about my podcast.
My body needs a pause and rest and I want to get going on my ideas.
Wild Power uses the term inner critic and describes it as:
“your shadow side starting to awaken. The things you’ve neglected in yourself, the needs you’ve sidelined, the feelings you’ve consistently overridden, the historical woundings and intergenerational ancestral patterns that have been regulated to the subconscious can all break the surface as they seek conscious recognition and integration”.
Pufffff— that’s a lot happening. This is an uncomfortable time for our psyche so it’s important that we take care of ourselves.
The opportunity
Tending to and holding ourselves.
Showing ourselves kindness and compassion and remembering that as women we have inner seasons, that we are not machines and life flows better when we honour them.
“Without a dose of inner kindness this season can feel brutal and insurmountable. You could fall victim to your own history or feel victimized by life, as if you are at the mercy of great loathing” (Wild Power).
Some journal prompts that are helpful at this time (and they can be used for your inner autumn during menstruating years or for the season of autumn itself - both carry the same energy)
What can you celebrate about yourself right now?
What does your body need?
What does the slowest/tired/overwhelmed part of you need right now?
I am celebrating recording a really good episode of my podcast, that over 200 women tune in (imagine a circle of 200 women, that’s incredible!). My body needs more warmth and an even slower pace as I enter inner winter and I’m going to Venice for the weekend to celebrate my Mum’s 70th. The tired part of me will need a bit of preparation like packing well in advance so I’m not panicked and rushing and lots of kind inner talk. See you on the other side.
Listen to the this week’s podcast episode
True Self with Sarah Your dose of authentic stories, cyclical wisdom and that feeling of sitting in a circle with women just like you